The Language of Hypnosis

Humberto Maturana reminds us that communication
is a co-ordination of action, not transmission of infor- mation, and we see that in our clients all the time. So much suffering happens when someone doesn’t listen to their own body, partner, child, parent, employer, em- ployee. Clearly this communication difficulty happens in a sea of information - sometimes problems are information-soaked, but as long as there is no connec- tion, no effective interaction, then no communication has happened.

We humans are linguistic beings, immersed in lan- guage, but all too often ineffectual in our use of this pre- cious gift.

How many times have we found ourselves trying to sort out what a couple’s argument is really about? How many times has our well-meant attempt resulted in the argument worsening? We sense that we could help if we could find the right words, the right phrase, the right communication ... but what would be helpful in these kinds of all too common situations?

A couple came for counselling because they were hav- ing difficulties communicating. She said he didn’t un- derstand. He said all she did was nag. She explained how frustrated she was being at home with the kids all day, just waiting for some adult conversation. He com-

As you read this, it might be interesting for you, if you were to be interested, to begin to wonder, to wonder, ... how what is written, ... what you read, ... can in some way, ... begin to relate to you, your learning, your experience, ... as you continue.

We are living in the information age, traveling the infor- mation highway, and yet increasingly we suffer from in- formation overload. Busy professionals face a daily di- lemma about what to read and what to put in the bin. There is no shortage of information, and yet we are ex- periencing a crisis in communication. We see couples, families, teenagers, in pain over not being heard, under- stood, listened to – a breaking down of communica- tion.

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plained that he had been talking all day at work, try- ing to sort out problems there. The last thing he needed was to hear about more problems, even about his own kids. He wanted a bit of peace and quiet.

The more each explained to the other, the more frustra- tion and resentment was produced, and the worse the situation became.

The last thing either of them needed was yet another individual telling them what they should be doing, so I began to speak indirectly to both of them. “I wonder how you might be able to resolve this? Wife, how
could you deal with this so you could have the conver- sation you need without alienating your husband. Hus- band, what could you do that would take care of your need for some peace, and at the same time talk with your wife, who you care so much about? Both of you, what could you begin to do together that might be

fun? Who would be the first to notice when things had started to improve? Looking back after you have solved this dilemma, what would you think? It would be so satisfying to both of you if you could ... make a beginning as soon as you return home.”

By speaking indirectly, not directing them, they were able to explore, together, how they could begin. This was all that was needed to get them back on track –

back in communication. But it was not information – they had plenty of that – it was re-opening them to solving this together – a coordination – which helped. By being indirect, there was the possibility of them re- sponding. Directly ordering them to do something would have prevented this possibility.

Anyone with teenage children has ample experience of the ineffectiveness of issuing orders. Direct communica- tions such as “Clean up your room NOW!” or “Go to your room and don’t come out until you have finished all your homework!” are likely to be greeted with a sneer or a response such as “You can’t make me!”. When attempting to get a younger child to eat their greens, attempting to force the food on the child is usu- ally totally ineffective, since even if we manage to get the food down the throat of the increasingly rebellious child, there is no guarantee that it will stay there.

Concerns about how to speak to children and parental frustration from failed attempts to communicate with their children stem from a position of parental power, righteousness and force. This is the cause of the prob- lem! When a parent begins to be less directive and more indirect, the mood changes. If the child is invited rather than told, they can refuse without anyone losing their dignity, and the future relationship remains in

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place. We parents are usually the ones who struggle with this issue. “Just because what I’m doing isn’t work- ing, why should I do something different. I’m right. I’m the parent after all!” These positions cause and perpetu- ate conflict and prevent even the possibility of effective communication.

Indirect Communication Forms.

The Sufis remind us that sometimes we must speak to the window so the door may hear. Indirect communica- tion styles can sometimes help where a more direct ap- proach can’t. My colleague Jeffrey Zeig PhD claims in Zeig’s first law that “The degree of indirection is di- rectly proportional to the degree of anticipated diffi- culty.”

If a client arrives and informs us that 15 of their friends have previously been helped by us, and they are expect- ing to be the 16th, then we hardly need be indirect. Some straight talking is likely to be what is required. If a client arrives, and informs us that they have been to 15 therapists previously, none of whom were any damn use, and they are not expecting us to do any better, then it’s time to get indirect.

If a client could respond to direct suggestion such as “Do this”, “Don’t do that”, then they would most likely have got over their problem and not be seeking thera- peutic help. Many of us don’t like being TOLD what to do, and find ourselves automatically responding with a polar reaction of “Don’t tell ME what to do!” It is with this human tendency in mind that we find the use of in- direct forms of communication to have an important place in therapy.

We all use these indirect forms of communication from time to time, and as you read what follows, it could be instructive to recognise some of the ways you are al- ready using so that you can be more effective in using these forms of communication and enhance their effec- tiveness.

There are a number of indirect communication forms which can be useful here, and I will mention only four – softening directives, presuppositional links, creating alternatives, and saying nothing. Later we will explore the use of stories as therapeutic metaphors as even more indirect communications.

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Softening Directives.

When someone comes with a problem, it is not helpful for us to say “Don’t do that, do this” or “Don’t do it that way, do it this way” or “Instead of not doing it, just do it”. While that may be the message the client needs to hear, simply saying that is most unlikely to create the desired result.

It can be more useful to soften the message with a gen- tle, permissive, open ended invitation such as “Perhaps you could ...” or “I wonder if you might ...” or “How will you decide when you are ready to ...” and then follow with the suggestion. It can be even more helpful if the two components of the message are separated by a pause, which adds dramatic impetus.

The communications in the above paragraph might then translate into: “I wonder when you will be ready to [pause] not do that, and how you will feel when you [pause] do this instead”, or “How would it be for you if you were to [pause] not do it that way, and who would be the first to notice when you do [pause] do it this way” or “You don’t need to know when you’ll be ready to [pause] just do it.”

Each of the above examples contain the original sugges- tion, but instead of them being heard as a command, to

be obeyed or resisted, they can be heard as invitations to be taken up, or not, and if the taking up of the sug- gestions is in the direction desired by the client, they are very likely to follow along.

Formula: Permissive invitation ... [pause] ... direc- tive.

E.g. You could ... [pause] ... go into hypnosis.
You might enjoy ... [pause] ... letting your eyes close.

Perhaps you are already beginning to ... [pause] ... let your mind drift.

I wonder how soon you’ll notice ... [pause] ... your com- fort is increasing.

Presuppositional Links.

These forms of communication are variations on “While you’re on your feet, would you put the cat out” or “Since you are going down the street, could you get a loaf of bread?”. If we examine the relationship of the two components of those statements, there is no logic in the linkage, but the fact that the first utterance is un-

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deniable – “You are on your feet” or “You are going down the street” – adds to the credibility of what fol- lows “Would you put the cat out” or “Could you get a loaf of bread”. This juxtaposition of phrases doesn’t guarantee that the cat will be put out or that the bread will be bought, but it make that result more likely, and in a mood of cooperation.

“Tell me about your problem” can translate into “Since you are here, you could tell me about the problem”. “What’s the solution for your present problem?” could become “Because you want to solve this dilemma, it will be interesting for you to find ways of recognising those solutions”.

“Now that you have arrived, what could we speak about that would be helpful to you?” or “As you are beginning to speak about your trouble, I wonder what you can dis- cover that will useful to you?” can be so helpful to ease the conversation into a beginning and overcome any ini- tial reticence. As the session progresses, it can be help- ful to ask “We have been talking about your situation

for a while now, and you might be interested to reflect on what is already becoming clearer to you.” In access- ing resources and directions for a couple we might in- quire “You have been together now for ... years. What is it about your relationship that has been most impor-

tant to you?”. This inquiry shifts the direction and in- tensity away from a circular discussion about any prob- lems and towards actively searching for useful, rele- vant, practical solutions. I want to emphasise that ask- ing this kind of question has the potential to change the outcome.

Formula: Because [something undeniable] is hap- pening ... then ... [something desirable] can hap- pen.

E.g. Since you’re on your feet, could you put the cat out.

Because you’re here, you can go into hypnosis. While you’re here, you can learn what you need. As we’re talking, you can already begin to relax.

Creating Alternatives.

I we were to ask a meat eater to a vegetarian smorgas- bord lunch, with more than a hundred choices, few would ask “Where’s the meat”.

Telling a client to stop smoking, lose weight, exercise more, relax, be calm, stop being afraid of spiders or

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speaking in public will only escalate fear and worry which is likely to be present anyhow. There is another way of offering the same ideas.

The generic form is “Will you get over your problem quickly, slowly, suddenly, intermittently at first?”, “Will you notice the changes before they happen, as they are happening, after they have happened, or will it take someone else to notice that you don’t have that problem any more? Will it go without anyone notic- ing?” “Will you lose the problem at home first, or at work, or will it just go from all areas of your experi- ence?” When a client hears such a range of alternatives – all of which are in the direction of solutions, none of which allow for the continuation of the problem – they are more likely to take up some of the momentum which is generated by such a plethora of options. Any uncertainty remaining is about which alternative will be acted on, and since each is in the direction of the cli- ent’s solution, any option will be useful.

A wide variety of alternatives can be generated for the client. This includes time [now or later], speed [slowly or quickly], awareness [notice or not, by client or other], emotional response [surprise, relief or joy], loca- tion [here or there] and consistency [constant or inter-

mittent at first] to name some. The delight for the thera- pist also adds to the pleasure and satisfaction of all.

Formula: Think of a solution a client has identified and suggest that this can happen in as many different ways as you can invent.

E.g. Would you prefer to go into trance before you close your eyes or after?

Will you solve your problem as we’re talking, after you leave here, in your dreams, just as you wake in the morning, watching television, or won’t you even need to notice you’ve solved that problem. Perhaps it will just fade from your awareness.

Will your body relax so your eyes can close, will your eyelids relax so your muscles can let go of their tension, will they both change together, or will you experience something quite different as you go into hypnosis?

Saying Nothing.

Sometimes it is helpful to provide some padding, some free time, so the client has an opportunity to let the learning “set”. Silence can be screamingly loud at times so if we can make sounds which are sufficient to hold

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the client’s attention and prevent them from intellectu- alising away a suggestion we may want them to sit with, we can make some “white noise” – some sounds to allow that process to proceed.

This is achieved by speaking specifically without speci- fying what is specifically spoken about. When we speak seriously without specifying the topic, the meaning is left unclear. The client is likely to try to make sense of the message. Mild confusion is created, keeping the cli- ent’s attention as they look for any hint of resolution or meaning.

Politicians learn this style of speaking and hope to ap- pear sincere, keep the listener’s attention, and yet
avoid saying anything that might offend anyone. Speak- ing without saying anything substantial was highly de- veloped by Humphrey in the TV series “Yes Minister”.

Formula: Identify an object and speak about that object without identifying what the object is. It can be a shoe, a pen, a mat – anything real or imagined.

A person can sit, and as they begin to think, they can continue to notice many experiences. They can feel various sensations, see a number of things, have what-

ever thoughts they are having at that time, and as their experience continues to evolve, any number of possibilities can happen. They can continue to do what they are doing, they can find themselves preparing to do something totally different, or there may be some combination of these. Thoughts can come and go, ideas can be there and then not, attention can vary from this point to that, from this time to the other, from any to any other without there having to be any particular awareness of what it is that is outside of their awareness.

These indirect communication forms can be very pow- erful in assisting clients to move in a direction they want to move in, and extremely powerless if they are used in an attempt to manipulate a client in a direction we think would be to their or our benefit.

When I try these ways of speaking to attempt to ma- nipulate my teenage children to tidy their room, or do their homework, or anything I think they should, their characteristic reply is. “I can’t be bothered” or even “No’. Because the suggestions follow my agenda, they produce very little useful movement.

When this approach is offered to someone who is keen to achieve an outcome but is hesitant, unsure of how to begin or is self doubting, they are likely to move to-

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wards that outcome – but it is not the therapist’s out- come, it’s the client’s.

As you are attending to your experience in any way that you are, you could ... continue doing that. Now that you are doing that, there may be some changes al- ready happening. It’s so unimportant that you ... no- tice the stillness ... first, or some flattening out of your facial muscles. Perhaps it will be the changes in the col- our or temperature of your skin that will be most no- ticeable. It may be that the deepening and slowing of your breathing, and even a tendency for you to... close your eyes ..., if they haven’t already, can assist you to ... learn something useful here.

As you are continuing with your experience, you could ... become even more absorbed ... in whatever you are already experiencing, and as a part of that, there may be something pleasant or useful that you could ... no- tice, ... memorise, and then when you are ready, and only when you are ready, you could ... bring that expe- rience back with you as you ... reorient yourself to your external experience.