a common everyday approach after Erickson

what's missing?  

I love this question. It is usually easy and obviously useful, but like everything else, not always.

But let's explore the easy beginnings of this question and then we can always add complexities later!

Simply asking "What's missing?" can be so helpful. Sometimes the response to this question is enough for a client to be satisfied.

I recall asking this question to a couple who were in conflict, and they looked at each other with a quizzical look and after some silent time, they began to recall that they used to go out together, for dinner, to the movies ... and they hadn't been doing that. That was enough for them to decide - together - where they might eat, what film, and they life exploring together how they might get back into the habit of this.

Later in the programme we will explore how wonderfully useful this question can be as part of a solution hypnosis session, but for the moment, I invite you to play with the question and any variation that you can come up with, and see what you might discover!


Don't forget to leave a comment so we can share our learning together.

 

18 comments so far

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When experimenting with this by asking clients "What's missing?" I was struck by how many people think that someone "out there" is causing the absence of what's missing, love, companionship, etc. When I asked if they thought they might be able to provide whatever was missing for themselves the most common reaction I got was confusion. It hadn't occurred to most of them. Good dialogues came from the question.

Posted by MJ Klimenko on April 22, 2015 at 03:13pm   #     Reply
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I agree, that can be so useful to disclose early. I like to turn that into a miracle question. If that person "out there" where to magically do what you want, what would be different for you? The answer to that question e.g I'd be peaceful, relaxed, content. happy, more confident..." is a more clearly articulated missing resource.



Posted by Gabrielle Peacock admin on April 22, 2015 at 04:19pm   #     Reply

This question never gets old.

Posted by Heather Sinclair on May 14, 2016 at 10:28pm   #     Reply
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perennially useful.

Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on May 15, 2016 at 07:22am   #     Reply

When clients find it hard to answer this question, I have found it helpful to hinge the question off a scaling question, often the Personal Well-being scale (as in part of Scott Miller's Outcome Rating Scale)....

For example if the client was 7 on a scale of 0-10 (10 being good) before the problem, and they are now at 4, then: "what is missing at 4 that is present at 7?"

Mark

Posted by Mark Quinn on June 4, 2016 at 10:04pm   #     Reply
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Very nice Mark. Easy just got easier. A beautiful way to elicit “the answer”.

Posted by Eli on June 4, 2016 at 10:44pm   #     Reply

Very helpful comments, thank you to all.

Posted by Jill Bayly on October 21, 2016 at 09:53am   #     Reply
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Isn't it so helpful to be learning together?

Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on October 21, 2016 at 01:22pm   #     Reply

How do you avoid having a client (e.g., a young teenage girl) give a "fake" answer, rather than admitting that she isn't sure?

Posted by Gail on October 21, 2016 at 01:15pm   #     Reply
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If I suspect a "fake" answer, I like to ask "And if that happened, how could you be certyain that it would be useful?" or something similar. This is rare in my experience.

Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on October 21, 2016 at 01:24pm   #     Reply
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Thank you all for your comments on how to "play" with this very respectful, indirect and efficient approach of the problem.

Posted by CHATEL Marcel on October 21, 2016 at 07:27pm   #     Reply
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My pleasure, Marcel. I find that when we "play" the mood is lighter and learning is easier.

Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on October 22, 2016 at 07:24am   #     Reply
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You have just set my mind free Rob - I answered the question around a few things...I'll be back to post some more around this when I've worked with it some more. :D

Posted by maryke maryke on April 21, 2017 at 12:59am   #     Reply
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It's a wonderful question, and so clarifying.

Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on April 21, 2017 at 12:19pm   #     Reply

At the moment I am travelling so it pretty difficult to play with people doing this, but if anyone doing the course wants to volunteer?

What if the client has a list of what's missing? Do you help them to find their own solutions for the smaller hurdles first? What if the thing that is missing is realistically unobtainable? A "no win scenario"- you've given me the answer, thanks.

Posted by Angus Mackinnon on July 19, 2017 at 07:35pm   #     Reply
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I like to start with the smallest and easiest so success can build on success. Also if the goal seems unrealistic we can ask that person to imaging that it has been resolved, and ask about the experience and expect that something obtainable will appear. The most important thin g, Angus, is to have the question and be willing to be surprised.

Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on July 20, 2017 at 07:43am   #     Reply

Thanks Rob. I also enjoy the way you structure your answers to meet the needs and the wants of "our mob"as they are a lesson in themselves and help me enormously as even though my main input preference is auditory (I don't know why) but I am fascinated by the use of words, syntax, language and ethnology. Hence I am very literal I think, but I may be wrong. I am also fascinated by micro expressions.

Posted by Angus Mackinnon on September 23, 2017 at 09:11am   #     Reply
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I was particularly taken with Bill O'Hanlon's suggested query, "What will be different when you tell me you won't need to see me anymore?" Like other variations on "What's missing?", this question encourages the emotional experience of a solution even before the solution has been found, but it is so powerfully immediate and graphic. Talk about expectancy!

Posted by Fred Kutchins on November 29, 2017 at 06:41am   #     Reply
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